Lately things have started to become so clear in my life. I’ve started to see how beautiful and pre-destined our lives are. I remember praying a few months back for clarity. I felt like I was living in a fog on autopilot trying to come up with all the answers on my own. I felt so stuck and in those dark moments in your life you question everything. I questioned my purpose in my life, I questioned even keeping Beautiful Brown Girls going. My faith was being tested so much I woke up feeling physically hurt. It’s a pain that’s really hard to describe. In that dark place I think I was really shown how precious faith is. There were so many instances where I was shown so much favor that it was mind blowing. It felt like every now and then God had to tap me on my shoulder and say hey i’m still here you know. It was just so hard for me to even see him.
In college I became very attached to the scripture Jeremiah 29:11 (For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.) I had it written down and taped onto my mirror. Thinking back I can honestly say I never really understood that scripture back then and how reading that scripture every single day for four years would stick with me to this day and really impact my life. I still keep that scripture on my desk at work for a daily reminder. As I was going through the fog my prayer would be “God, give me strength.” or “God, I need peace in my life!” I always tell people pay attention because God speaks to us all the time. One message at church one Sunday brought up the scripture Jeremiah 1:5 (“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”) That scripture really touched me to my core and reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11 and how this life is already pre-planned for us. How the universe has already aligned EVERYTHING. literally. It reminded me of how God blessed us with peace, hope, strength, love, favor BEFORE we were even born. How amazing is that. From that day forth my prayers changed from God give me strength to God help me to use the strength you’ve already given me, or God help me to focus on the peace you’ve already instilled in me. God help me to see how this situation i’m in is a blessing to me through your eyes. It changed my out look on everything in life. I stepped into that power instead of using my pain and hurt as a crutch, and as an excuse. I felt like I had finally aligned myself with the universe and let it lead me and not focus on me leading it. Through good and bad I know there is an outcome for greatness in everything.
Once I began to understand the energy that you take on when you really find that peace and power in him at that point I really was able to understand that lesson that reading Jeremiah 29:11 was trying to teach me of how the universe has already conspired to bless you, it’s just waiting for you to walk into that favor. My thought process changed, and the way I approached difficulties changed. It was no longer about that instant gratification of success (because that is already going to happen, because he said it would) but understanding the journey that is equipping me to the greatness he promised. It allows me to get so excited about how the universe is going to propel me to my next level even in my low points Ephesians 3:20-21 ( God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.) Be comforted in knowing that the desires of your heart are already instilled in you. We activate it with our faith knowing that whatever we are going through (WHATEVER) is all set up for an amazing outcome. Trust him. I was reminded of that watching Pharrell’s interview yesterday on Oprah last night. There was a point in the interview where he talked about always being the number two guy. The guy next to the main guy. There was a point after he made his first solo album that he noticed that he was so focused on getting the “things” i.e. clothes, girls, money that the main guy had but never paid attention to the core of that person. Really look at the energy of that person and their thought process of how they operated their life, and since he learned that lesson the universe has moved him to such a higher place in his life. My recent prayers have been on something similar. Not focusing on getting “things”, but I prayed for God to show me what is holding me back from moving to that next level. What is it that i’m not paying attention to, and whatever it is show me the proper way to remove it. When I heard Pharrell’s interview it really reminded of the clear answer that I had already been focusing on. To focus on the character of people you admire and the ones that you keep around you. Most of my friends know i’m big on paying attention to people’s energy and even bigger on keeping a certain type of energy around me, and removing or keeping at a distance the energy that just doesn’t feel right. I struggled a lot with that in the beginning, I thought it meant being the bad guy in every situation, cutting off folks left and right, but it’s actually done the quite opposite. It gives me more of a compassionate heart (Which my best friend will tell you her and I talk about this all the time of how i’ve been praying for help in the compassion department). It has made certain negativity more clear to me, but also showed me the hurt behind that energy and why they do the things they do. It reminded to always operate through a place of love, and in doing so that is when you make the best decisions on your circle of people and keeping a positive energy flow in your circle so things can begin to move in the right direction for you.
I know I rambled on this post, and it took me a WHILE to get to my final thought lol Hopefully it makes some kind of sense to someone. Bottom line, God’s got all the answers. Thank him right now for the journey pay attention and enjoy the ride.